One of the main obstacles people face in social settings is self-censorship. Without even realizing it, people tend to censor their actual thoughts as they socialize because they want to appear more likable. Though self-censorship is a necessary tool for social success (some things are better left unsaid), it can be a double-edged sword.
Phoning in predictable conversation, questions, and answers make for a not-so-memorable experience. If you really want to attract someone’s attention, offer a genuine perspective and don’t be afraid to appear out of the norm. Let’s take a quick look at an example.
CensoredJane: How was your weekend? Tom: It was good, how was yours? Jane: Good. Glad you had a good one.
Not-censoredJane: How was your weekend? Tom: Terrible! My dog ran away from home, I sprinted after him for over a mile before I realized I was still wearing my shower cap. I guess that explains why people were laughing. Jane: Haha! You poor thing! I hope the little guy got home okay, what kind of dog is it?
You can see how non-censored Tom has more success offering a unique and humorous perspective. His unpredictable answer also allows for further conversation, whereas censored Tom drives his conversation to a dead stop. Follow non-censored Tom’s example and your social skills will flourish.